Bridge over troubled waters

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the 9-11 tragedy happened. I remember hearing the news on my favorite radio station as I got dressed for my first class the morning. I remember running to my living room and flipping through the news stations with my younger brother and watching in horror as people ran, screaming for their lives.

Then I remembered a friend of mine who lived just miles from downtown NYC.

I spent the next three hours, frantically calling him, only to get a busy signal or the operator.

Finally, after so long I was able to hear his voice and know that he was alive, upset and shaken, but alive. He had slept through it all.

Right now I find myself in somewhat of a similar situation. However this time it isn't planes crashing into buildings.

It's floodwaters rising in 'The Big Easy' and surrounding areas. I have friends in Louisiana. I have friends here in Houston who have families back in Louisiana. I can't tell you how many hours we've spent trying to call them. I know a couple of them have managed to make it out and to safety but who knows in what condition their homes may be in. And I know that's probably something we shouldn't worry about at the moment and the fact that they're alive should be priority, but I'd hate for them to lose their homes.

I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. To be hundreds of miles away from the place you've called home your entire life and not know if you even have a home to go back to. And these people aren't even sure when they can go back home. I've heard reports that some of these people won't be able to go back for weeks, maybe even months!

They're opening the Astrodome to the LA residents who seeked refuge in the Superdome during the storm. As I type buses of people are headed this way to get these people to safer land and hopefully have food, water and a place to sleep ready.

I forgot to ask one friend of mine about his dog. I'm sure he either took his pet with him or dropped him off at a local kennel, but even animals are being evacuated out of the state. Houston is now home to hundreds of LA pets and our city is starting to ship the poor things even further, to San Antonio and Brownsville. My friend may not even know where his dog is!

It's heartbreaking to watch these stories. I have people coming into my job from LA and we feel nothing but sympathy for them. I can't tell you how many times I've cried just looking at their faces. I've never been through anything like this. Sure Houston has had it's share of tornadoes and hurricanes and everyone who was around here in the summer of 2001 has their own Tropical Storm Allison story (my aunt lost her house), but it's NOTHING like what's going on now.

And it's going to take a long time before things are back to normal for these people. Or rather before they can start over.

*Sigh*

I really want to hear my friends' voices.



Random though of the day: Let the phone ring and let it be you.

My Best Friend's Wedding (The event, not the Julia Robert's flick)

My best friend got married this past Saturday.

I was her maid of honor.

I've known this girl since I was a junior in highschool and she was a mere sophomore (I still love to tease her about the fact that she's younger than me yet everyone thinks it's the opposite) We met through a mutual friend of ours because I had something she wanted: several photographs of another friend of mine, a guy she had a huge crush on.

I used to find Andrea to be a bit much. She was always talking and laughing and saying the most inane things. But she gradually began to grow on me. I didn't see much of her in highschool, with her being a grade under me and I having early release so I was usually done with school before it was time for lunch (the only time we really mingled with classes under ours). In fact in wasn't until about several months after my friend and I finished highschool that all three of us started hanging out together.

We did the typical things teenage girls did: went to the movies, clubs, had a couple drunken episodes, etc and so on.

We were fine until I got ready to leave for Wyoming three years ago. I remember asking my friends to meet me at a particular place in the galleria area so I could talk to them. So we met, went to grab some food real fast and then came back to our spot. After eating and walking it off a bit I told them what had been on my mind.

Actually now that I think about it, I remember telling our friend on the phone first before telling Andrea about it face to face the following day.

She took it bad.

Real bad.

But we managed to stay friends throughout it all. It was our mutual pal who fell away from us. And to this day we aren't exactly sure why. We still wonder about her and her whereabouts. Last we heard she was still with the guy she was seeing at the time and she had a baby girl who's probably about a year or so by now.

But about this weekend . . . it was lovely.

Everything that could possibly go wrong did and tempers were flaring and panic attacks were of no short supply, but dammit we managed to pull it off.

And while I was so happy for my best friend for finally finding a man she loved and respected and having him love and respect her just as much I couldn't help but feel a slight bit jealous.

I was supposed to have been married by now. Not because I'm younger than her and she "beat me," but because I had found the love of my life and he had been trying to get me to marry him for nearly two years now and when I finally agree to it and go through all these measures to see that we do get married something happens and we now have to put it on hold.

I couldn't help feeling a bit detached at times while at my friend's wedding. A few times at the reception I snuck out and took a walk around. We were near a shallow wooded area and I remember walking on a worn path through the trees, dress hiked up to my ankles so as not to get it dirty and my pink flip flops (I had taken my heels off after the ceremony) leading the way. The wind was blowing ever so slightly, gently rustling the leaves and the night was warm. It's one of those moments straight out of a chick flick. We've all had them.

Only, my Prince Charming didn't come rushing in to rescue me away from myself while I was out there and wisk me away to the party and announce our re-engagement.

Instead, I walked back in, put on my happy face, grabbed my best friend's father and danced the night away.

I might have been sad.

I might have been tired.

I might have been depressed, but it was my girl's night and I was going to do whatever it took to cheer me up and honor a big step in her life.

(My favorite photo taken of the newlyweds.)

Random thought of the day: Sleep.

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU

I HATE MY JOB.

I HATE THE STUPID PEOPLE THAT ARE SOMETIMES LEFT IN CHARGE AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO JACK SHIT.

I HATE THE FACT THAT I KNOW A SHITLOAD LOAD MORE ABOUT THEIR JOB THAN THEY DO AND HAVE TO DO IT YET GET PAID SIGNIFICANTLY LESS.

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS.

I HATE IMPATIENT PEOPLE.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN HONESTLY CALL MY JOB'S CORPORATE OFFICE AND MAKE THEM DO SOMETHING ABOUT LIL' OLE ME JUST BECAUSE I AM SOFT SPOKEN AND HAVE TO RAISE MY VOICE THEREFORE LEADING THEM TO BELIEVE I AM YELLING AT THEM.

I HATE THE NEW CO-WORKERS WHO DON'T SHOW UP.

I HATE THE CO-WORKERS WHO ARE LAZY.

I HATE IT WHEN I GET SO MAD I WANT TO CRY (OR DO CRY, LIKE I AM NOW).

I HATE THE SOUND MY CAT MAKES WHEN HE MUNCHES ON HIS BUTT.

Wait a minute . . . {Laughs}.


Fuck.


Random thought of the day: {_}

Soundtrack of My Life

I've been wanting to create a soundtrack for my life, well . . . my life thus far.

I always associate important events and people in my life with songs. My memory is horrible; however when I hear a certain song the memories start flooding back. And I've always wanted to take some time and jot down the songs in my life that bring back these memories.

And then I thought of another idea.

Why not make a cd with my "soundtrack?" It would be like any other cd I own, including the mixed cd's friends have given me over the years, because they are the short stories of my life. They're chapters. Moments in life I'll never forget. Memories of people I love and lost, look up to and can't live without.

So here they are, in no particular order:


1. Every life has to have a theme song. Mine is: My Way {Frank Sinatra}. Quite frankly, there is no other way.

2. My entire childhood can be wrapped up with the lyrics from: I Will Survive {Gloria Gaynor}. A bit of a cliche I know, but eh . . . no other song says it better for that period of time.

3. For me Nobody Knows {Tony Rich Project} will always be about harboring adolescent secrets.

4. On the night I got news of my grandfather's death One Sweet Day {Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men} was playing on the radio. I don't know if it was God's way of consoling me or what. Years later I've come to rely on that song when dealing with other family members' deaths.

5. Oh teenage angst! I think every girl my age has the same anthem: Survivor {Destiny's Child}. There were numerous bad break-ups, late night phone calls made, friends who ditched us for guys, tears shed and so many problems we had as young ladies, but we were always able to laugh it all off over a fudge sundae in our favorite diner at 2:00 in the morning.

6. After the news of 9/11 begin to subside and the music aired once again on the radios one of the songs playing was Only Time {Enya}, sprinkled with haunting news commentary. It will forever remain a song that will remind me of when our lives changed forever.

7. My inspiration, my muse, someone who took the time to help me discover myself. This song is dedicated to you: The Sweetest Gift {Sade}.

8. Somewhere Out There {Our Lady Peace} is my 'coming out of my shell' song. It inspired me to be brave, do something bold, like fall in love. If I remember correctly I was whispering the lyrics as I was dangling a few hundred feet in the air, waiting to be dropped in a net, hanging below.

9. I'm still not sure why I chose You're Still You {Josh Groban} for my soundtrack, other than to say that the first time I heard it was when the singer appeared on the very last episode of All McBeal. And it moved me so much I wept.

10. I remember riding through the canyons in Utah, hearing Wide Open Spaces {Dixie Chicks} on the radio. Any other moment could not have been more perfect. In the back of my mind I play this song on every single road trip I've ever taken, be it in the back seat of a car going to Kemah or in a greyhound bus going to Michigan.

11. The song I had with my ex: Velveteen {Sponge}. The love we had for one another was so intense at times that it felt like we couldn't breathe without the other, which was hard because we were constantly fighting. The relationship was brief, but the ride . . . incredible.

12. Yet another song of which I'm not sure of why I find on my soundtrack, other than to say It Never Entered My Mind {Miles Davis} always makes me think of those days in college when I'm sitting on my desk, peering out the huge window in my dorm on the fourth floor, looking out at the sun rising over the mountains and not having a single care in the world.

13. Stay {Lisa Loeb} isn't exactly about a particular time in my life or a particular person. It just makes me think of how self-centered and selfish I can be and completely oblivious to other people and their needs and best interest. I don't realize some of the most important people in my life are gone or I've missed opportunities until it's too late.

14. Heh. I can wrap up the early years of my current relationship up in one word: Complicated {Avril Lavigne}. I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. It's just that this song seemed to be a prelude from the beginning. My fiance and I heard it one night as we were driving down I-80 at 120 mph in the snow. We were stilll 'just friends' at that time. I didn't realize things would turn out the way they did. Throw in the distance factor, some problems with the law, our parents not knowing we initially met over the Internet and you've got a lot of problems. All worth fighting for though.

15. The video for Show Me How To Live {Audioslave} began my obsession with the band and another struggle with self discovery, mainly fighting off the negativity I was receiving from my parents concerning my relationship and trying to decipher my wants from theirs. I 'rebelled' late in life and tried my damnedest to get away from that 'prodigal daughter' image.

16. If there was ever a break-up song, it would have to be: That Particular Time {Alanis Morissette}. Why, you ask? Listen to it. It's so perfect. A girl would have done anything to have kept her man. But then she realizes in doing that she was deserting herself, her wants, her needs and her desires. So she does the hardest thing she can do. She leaves him, for good.

17. There are times when I want to forego this period of time I have to wait to be with the one I love and instead secretly whisper Come Away With Me {Norah Jones} to a friend of mine, whom I love just as much, because sometimes it hurts too much and sometimes it's lonely and sometimes I wish I knew him years and years ago.

18. My fiance's and my 'song:' Unchained Melody {Righteous Brothers}. The words are pretty clear.

19. I used to find myself playing the role of 'therapist' when it came to my circle of friends. The late night phone calls and crying sessions seemed endless, but as I grew older and my very close friends grew fewer I found the roles being reversed. In the song, Breathe {Anna Nalick} I can hear someone else's voice consoling me and letting ME know I'll be alright.

20. Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) {Green Day} is the song I want played at my funeral. Hopefully upon hearing this song everyone in attendance will be able to say, "Yeah, she made good of the time she had."

* Bonus Track: Again {Lenny Kravitz}, because Lenny is just cool.

* Hidden Track: Bad Day {Fuel}, because dammit I LOVE that song!




I realize the list is long, but the way I see it . . . it'll just have to be a dual disc soundtrack. It'll be available when I die, which, hopefully, won't be for a very long time. {By then all but two songs probably will have changed. Either that or I'll have added a hundred more songs, making my 'soundtrack' into a boxed set.}


Random thought of the day: I am blown away by the generosity of strangers.

Under Construction

I hate Mondays.

Hmm . . . maybe 'hate' is not a strong enough word.

I LOATHE Mondays.

There, that's better.

Have you ever been woken up at 7:30 in the morning on a Monday after getting next to no sleep the night before?

And not just woken up by an alarm clock or your pet cat who insists you feed him that very second, but have you ever been woken up by such a horrible rumbling sound that you forget you're in a state where most of the population doesn't use the word "earthquake" in their vocabulary, yet you fail to remember that and fall out of your hammock onto the floor?

*Mutters*

I hate construction men, with their saws and hammers and pounding nails in walls and pants that sag below their waist and put on display their butts which have more crack than Harlem.

They're doing a lot of remodeling to the apartment units I currently live in: replacing damaged exterior parts (I'm not technical, so don't ask) and repainting and things of that nature. Every weekday they're at it.

And today they chose to start my unit, hence the morning wake-up call.

On top of that, I only slept about five hours last night after being so wired on caffeine last night and then being kept up by my ex, who I found out called my place from his base out of state while I was on vacation and talked to the parental figure and asked her for my whereabouts so he could stop my marriage to my fiance.

I'm hoping he was drunk when he called. That way I can use his drunkenness as an excuse for his behavior when my mom asks. Which, by the way, she did not bring up until yesterday, before I left for work, two weeks AFTER I get back home.

Not that I really mind because in the state of mind I was in when I got back home (unmarried, long story) two weeks ago I was so depressed and sad that I doubt I could have handled the news.

He still didn't tell me if he was drunk or not.

But he's on his way OUT of the military due to an injury and is insisting on seeing me on his way home. He's driving through Houston on his way to Florida.

I need a valid excuse not to be around that day(s).

And I was a complete asshole to a really good friend of mine last night, making him feel guilty simply for being the cool person that he is.

Add on top of that . . . there's the fact that I keep smelling paint, which the ex told me was probably just the bacteria I'm smelling because I have chronic bronchitis and when the bacteria gets in my sinuses it causes the air to smell differently to me, hence the highness from paint I'm always on.

It's kind of fun actually. My nasal passages are open wider and the smell makes me giggle a lot, but that could also be because of . . . ah yeah, well, nevermind.

And, I just ate a whole package of those sizzler type breakfast sausages with pancake syrup for breakfast!

I'm trying to lose weight!

Mind you, I'm not one of those sickly anorexic type girls who's a 12 in kids' sizes and drinks nothing but water all the time and freaks out when she eats a cracker. I'm about average size with hips, an ass and a mere handful of breasts, but my boyfriend thinks I'm the sexiest person alive and quite honestly I feel pretty.

I can eat a medium pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut by myself when I'm hungry and chug down a few bottles of Smirnoff Ice with the best of them, but right now, I want to look damn good in my dress for my best friend's wedding (Which I won't have until the 15th, five days before her wedding. God I hope it won't need any alterations) and that means shedding a few pounds, or at least toning the tummy a little.

But I like foooooooooooooood.

And vodka.

I'll just have to start my running ritual again. I've got two weeks. I can do it.

Unless, of course, I die from heat exhaustion. In that case I'll have an excuse not to march down the aisle with that creepy, boring blind date I was forced on a few years back.

Woohoo!

Things are beginning to look up after all.



Random thought of the day: Seering pain near my left temple.