My mommy thinks I'm nice

Well I managed to royally piss off another person (see the last post). I'm really cleaning house this month aren't I?

*Sigh*

But hey, if him calling me a liar, a bitch and every name in the book and making me out to be the scum on the scum of his shoe while making me cry makes him feel like a big man then so be it.

There's been only one other person in my life that I told to stay the hell out of my life, twice as a matter of fact. So this is an important day in history ladies and gentlemen because it's not everyday I do that.

(I really need to stop giving people second chances.)

I'll be sure to contact my congressman and ask him to make it a federal holiday. You can thank me later when we have this day off next year.



In other news I tossed my nice, comfortable, been-with-me-since-I-was-a-kid bed. Well, I haven't actually tossed it yet, but I've disassembled it and put up a hammock.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: who the hell trades in a bed for a hammock? Well . . . quite a few people actually. And if you have back problems like I do, no mattress, no matter how comfortable it may be, beats a hammock. Not to mention I toss and turn less and I don't even need as many pillows as when I had my bed. I don't have to keep a pillow between my legs when I sleep on my side or under my back when I sleep on it or under my chest when I sleep on my stomach.

Alright, I'll stop trying to sell you the idea. Just don't knock it till you've tried it.


And one last piece of news before I leave for the evening: I'M GOING TO HAVE A NIECE!!!



Random thought of the day: When my kitten's dry cat food ends up in their water bowl the pieces look like dead, bloated Teddy Grahams.

And In This Corner . . .

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone when all you do is argue?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

In regards to that . . . my ex is an asshole. Seriously, there's no one else on the face of the planet that I argue so much with. And about the stupidest shit. I mean, when we first started seeing one another we'd argue about whether or not we'd let our kids date someone of the opposite race. Mind you this was BEFORE we had sex and only a couple months into our relationship. We argued about Sunny D (don't ask!), guns, whether or not we approved of underaged drinking, blah blah blah.

Stupid. All of it.

And we still. Do. It.

Arg, honestly, we broke up a couple years ago, you'd think we'd finally shake hands and call a truce, but do we? NO.

Mind you the guy isn't a bad person. He's very intelligent and mature beyond his years (almost 24), but he's stubborn, pig headed, and when he drinks . . . watch the fuck out! That is one of the main reasons I broke it off with him, the drinking. I can't handle it. I know I can't change him and I won't bother so I called it quits. I saw my mother trying to change my father and I know from experience it doesn't work unless they want to change themselves. He's a completely different person when he drinks and I know he's got a lot riding in his shoulders with him having just been made Corporal {Army} and having to look out for several men and all that jazz but that's how he loses his focus.

He thinks he can treat people like shit and they'll take it. Friends! Family!

I'll admit I took it for a while before I gave him my letter of resignation. I know he didn't see that one coming. And after one really bad argument we stopped speaking altogether for nearly four months before he emails me out of the blue and asks how I'm doing, as if nothing happened.

This was ten months ago. And right now we're having another bad argument.

He was supposed to come see me this past weekend. Mind you, we've been trying to remain friends despite the horrible way we split up, but it's been a struggle to stay friends. We never were before we hooked up. From the beginning there was this attraction. I wanted him and he wanted me and we moved fast on our feelings. We never had the chance to get to know one another in that close intimate way you do with a 'best friend.' Therefore we argued constantly and it usually resorted into break ups and then make ups.

Rinse.

Lather.

Repeat.

I got an email from him this evening. He basically told me I had some nerve to accuse him of lying to me when he said he couldn't make it this past weekend because of some car trouble.

Ha, see, this is what I meant when I said we don't know one another as friends do. Because had he known me very well he'd know I was mad at his being in a pissy mood when he told me he couldn't make it and telling me to "Beat it," and NOT at the fact that he had car trouble because I completely understood that. Regardless, I responded and basically told him he didn't know what the hell he was talking about and to just stay where he was and live his life.

He's a good person and all, someone I don't mind having my back, but if trying to remain friends with him is going to cause me to want to kill him most of the times then fuck it.

You aren't supposed to WORK at a friendship. They sort of just naturally happen, no matter the time that's gone by, the distance, nor any other obstacle that may get in the way.

I did love him at one point and actually a small part of my heart still belongs to him because he snuck in and snagged it in a deliriously dizzy manner. He's the one that taught me to dream when so much of my life had been lived in the ever so depressing reality that is life. He was also there when no one else was and at very important times (my cousin dying) and he knows I'll never be able to say thanks enough, but I can live without him.

While he can be the sweetest person you know he can also do a lot of damage to your soul. And for a person who's spent half her life trying to build up her self-esteem and confidence my soul is the last thing I want him to get his hands on. I am NOTHING if I don't have a strong sense of who I am. And he's manipulative enough so that he knows what buttons to push and what exactly to say to have me beating myself up.

I can't do that. Not again. I'm not going back there. So if that means saying goodbye to him then so be it.

I refuse to make my television debut on the Dr. Phil show.



Random though of the day: {While wiping my brow} February . . . 80° . . . February . . . friggin' 80°! *Curses*

Hi my name is 'Bitch.' Come here so I can hurt you.

I've warned people about me several times at first introduction. If they tell me I'm nice or sweet I always laugh and say, "Wait a while."

Of course I'm not a horribly mean person. On the contrary, I think I can be incredibly sweet to people, even some that don't deserve it. But by all means, I am human and even I get mad at times.

Last year I started working with a guy at work. Well, he was in a completely different department, but we did see each other throughout the day and after a few weeks of polite nodding in one another's direction he finally spoke to me and we started chatting every now and then. The chatting grew to longer conversations and to the point where we'd stop when we saw one another and make it a point to say hello and exchange jokes or silly little comments. Gradually a friendship began and then the horseplay that naturally occurs at a job like mine. And then the "presents."

We'd buy each other cans of Coke throughout the day. We never walked around with only one if we knew the other was there. And we never had to ask. We're caffeine freaks and maybe it was just in our heads but the Coke seemed to keep us going.

Anyway, about five months after he started working there he asked me out. I told him yes, initially thinking he just wanted some company, a friend to "hang out" with. I'm blind at times. My friends make fun of me for being naive. It never occured to me that he wanted to date me. I didn't see him for a few days after the invitation (our schedules didn't overlap during those days) so I had some time to think about what he asked me. And yes, it took me all the time to realize, Oh, he's asking me OUT!

{Here's where you say: DUH!}

So I come back to him a few days later, telling him that I didn't mean to jump to conclusions (if in fact that's what I was doing), but that I was seeing someone. I could tell in his face that he was disappointed, but he shrugged it off and left it alone.

About a week later little notes start popping up in my locker. Where were these notes when I was in high school? I answer them back, knowing it was him. We play locker tag for a few days and he asks me (through the notes) out again, this time only as friends. So I accept. No biggie. I have a few close guy friends I go out with.

The first few times we "went out" were actually to his family's house (either a sister or brother). It was fun. His siblings were great and they fed me and I had a chance to dance with them and meet my boss' sister (she's married to my friend's brother). Her kids loved me and I overheard her son call me 'cool.'

Heh, an 8-year old thinks I'm cool!

Anyway, all those nights we always wound back up at his place and usually started watching a movie before we finally crashed on his bed. Nothing happened mind you. Course I wouldn't tell the boyfriend any of that no matter how innocent it may seem, but it's nothing that's ever stopped me from sleeping at night.

The last time I saw him was about a month ago when we went to a Freestyle Motorcross event downtown. We had a blast! Afterwards we stopped for pizza, came back to my place and watched Shrek 2 before falling asleep. He left before dawn.

We talked throughout the week a couple times (by now he had quit working and found another job elsewhere), but it wasn't until that weekend when he stopped speaking to me altogether.

You see I was busy with my ex, trying to comfort him with his loss (the girl he was seeing back home {he's in the Army} had a miscarriage a few days prior). The phone rang. I checked the Caller ID. I saw that it was him and decided I'd call him the next day.

An hour later he called again. I let the machine get it.

Thirty minutes later the phone rang again. I checked the ID once again. Geez, him again. By now I was getting annoyed because not only was it starting to get really late (nearing 2 a.m.) but he wasn't even leaving any messages. So when the phone rang twenty minutes later (I was still IM'ing the ex) I answered the phone and got upset with him and asked him to please stop calling every few minutes. For God's sake my message on the voicemail purposely states, "If I don't pick up the phone I'm either not at home or I'm screening your calls."

I told him I was busy with a friend and hung up on him. Probably not one of my best moments but I was frustrated and mad (with the news).

I ended up finally calling him back two days later, leaving a message on his voicemail explaing what had happened and apologizing for my behavior. He never called back.

In a small way I see it as blessing in disguise because I know had we continued our friendship any longer he eventually would have started getting a little too close and I never could reciprocate those feelings for him (In so many words before he told me he loved me}. Besides already being committed he's just not my type. He's the kind of person you go bar hopping with or to movies or something. I much prefer someone I can take long walks with and talk for hours and hours on end about absolutely nothing.

I flirt too much I know.

Words of wisdom to guys: If we don't pick up the phone the first two times . . . leave a message. Don't call back because then you start displaying stalker tendencies.



Random thought of the day: God I hope I didn't leave my vibrator laying around on the bathroom sink.

Missed Conversation

I thought of you today.

I was taking the trash out and listening to the sounds of the night. Little girls were sitting on the stairs, giggling and probably telling one another secrets. Boys were yelling at the top of their lungs, "Gung ho!" There was different genres of music playing from different apartment complexes. And a train was just passing by and the crossing was beginning to ring and rise as I stepped out the door. It all reminded me of home.

When I came back inside I immediately opened the window and turned up the volume of the radio that was playing a Josh Groban CD. I started dinner: fried chicken and a salad. You would have made mashed potatoes, but I wasn't up for it tonight so I had some buttered bread instead. I immediately started with the salad. Mmm . . . you would have settled for just lettuce and tomatoes, like you normally do, but I would have insisted you added the avocados, cucumbers, Spanish olives, and cheese. In the past when you would give in and allow me to make the salad I think it was because you secretly wanted me to go through all the trouble.

After the salad I start the chicken, wisking the eggs in a bowl and placing each piece of chicken into the batter and then into the flour before hearing it sizzle in the pan as I lowered it over the oil. I burned myself the second time around when I lowered one piece too low. In the past you probably would have taken my hand and walk me over to the sink and turned the cold water on to take away some of the pain. However today I ignored it and continued frying.

All the while I was cooking I sang and twirled in the kitchen, careful not to step on ' the kids.' They reached and tried to tip the trashcan over as I periodically threw things into it and when they weren't looking up, eyes wide open and curious they attacked one another playfully.

The nostalgia was incredible. If I hadn't known any better I'd almost swear time took me back. I almost expected you to walk out of the bathroom, having just finished taking a shower as I wrapped up the last few details of our dinner.

But you didn't. There was no one else here tonight. When I finished the food I turned Mr. Groban's voice off and flipped on the television. I lit a few candles like you would do for us in the past, giving us that feeling of being in some expensive restaurant. We never watched anything of importance in the past when we ate dinner did we? {Laughs} In fact I watched The Simpsons today as I ate. It was always something funny we watched, something that made us take our minds off of our everyday worries. For those brief moments we had dinner together we didn't want to worry about bills or school or where we were moving. We only wanted to talk and eat and laugh.

And I missed you today. It's so rare that we actually have a chance to sit down and have a meal together like we used to. The entire time I made dinner I could think of no one else but you. It almost seems strange that you would be on my mind considering that with today's technology I could reach you any moment of the day. I even see you for a few minutes every week.

That never bothered me until tonight when I realized how much I missed you. I realized how I hurt you the other evening and because I worked the next three days after that the incident wasn't allowed to linger in my brain until yesterday afternoon, when you began to walk out the door, but stopped for a second and told me to give you a hug. I obeyed and you whispered, "I love you."

I wanted to cry. In that instant I knew I was forgiven. I hadn't deserved it, but then again you always were a very forgiving person. How you do that I'll never know. It just bothers me so much because I remembered the pain in your eyes earlier in the week. God what I wouldn't give to have told you the news months before. And you didn't even seem phased by it. You were more upset at the fact that you found out through a stranger.

"Well I guess we aren't as close as I once thought," I remember you saying.

And you're right. We aren't. I always knew that. At least coming from my end I never fully allowed myself to open up to you, but you always confided in me. I saw parts of you I never wanted to see, the weaker parts. They were the parts that let me know you were human. I thank you for that because I know not a lot of people know you like I do.

I don't expect you to understand why I don't talk to you as much as I should. Maybe it's my own fault. Sometimes I portray myself as the person you want me to be. It's an act at times.

However I hope you know I want us to get to the point where I no longer have to play a game of make believe. Maybe with a little more time and confidence I'll be willing to let you in completely in my world. Until then please be patient with me. I may come off as very strong and very open, but deep down I am terrified of being misunderstood, especially by you.

Introduction

Christina 101

1. I hate coffee. So much so that my mom (now forth known as 'the parental figure') used to tell me that when she was pregnant with me she had to stop drinking it completely because I'd start abusing her from inside the womb by kicking her every time she had any (She swore to people I would become the next Pele). To this day she doesn't drink it as much and she always takes it black.

2. Make-up feels like war paint. This may explain why so many people knock years off my age upon first meeting.

3. My kittens are named after boxers: 'Sonny' {Liston} and {Layla} 'Ali.' The last one's a girl. It was completely unintentional.

4. When I was staying in a dorm my last semester of college (in Wyoming) a pair of friends and I created a new game: Jamaican mattress stair sledding. I lived on the fourth floor and had no roommate so when they asked to borrow the second empty bed in my room (they had friends coming over from Phoenix the next day) I allowed them. Only problem was I had no elevator key, which meant we had to carry the frame and mattress down two flights of stairs. David carried the frame while Jackie and I carried the mattress. After struggling to go down half a flight I dropped my end and sat down on it. Jackie did the same and said it would be much faster if we slid down the stairs on the mattress. So without any notice David pushed us and down we went. It was about 3 a.m. and I'm sure we woke up half the student body, but we didn't care. In fact we went down the entire three flights despite the fact their room was on the second floor. We managed to walk away unscathed.

5. I have never turned down a dare.

6. Therefore when I was dared into going to Miami to meet a guy (from New Jersey) I had met over the Internet only four weeks prior to the invitation I accepted. Wednesday night he propositioned me. Thursday morning I had the "okay" from the job to take a few days off and by that night I was on my way. I had a blast. We met tons of people, all Asian (my friend was Korean himself) and partied at The Clevelander the first night in town. The second night I got sick and stayed in the hotel watching the basketball playoffs. My friend called me every ten minutes for the score.

7. I've met several online friends in person. All guys. And as of right now of the few I still chat/talk to and haven't met there's only one I really want to meet.

8. I have a thing with maps and globes. I can't explain it. I have two hanging on my walls in my room, one of the USA and the other of the world. I have a globe in my closet.

9. I've had ten different addresses in my lifetime.

10. I'm 24 now.

11. I don't drink enough water and I openly admit to being addicted to Coke.

12. I've never done drugs, smoked a cigarette or gotten high in any form.

13. I have, however, been drunk, once when I was seven, though that was partially my father's fault. I kept bothering him while he was on the phone. He had just cracked open a Budweiser and I walked into the kitchen wiping the sleep crust from my eye, saw the beer and immediately decided I was thirsty. After begging with him to let me have a sip he handed me the can and told me to keep quiet. I took a sip. And then another. And another. I walked around, my small hand barely able to grasp the can as I stared out the window and at him. I finished the entire can before going back to sleep. Needless to say the next morning I was sick as a dog. When the parental figure found out she screamed at both my father and myself. She held my hair as I sat, crouched over the porcelain god.

14. To this day I don't drink beer. I do like vodka and frozen margaritas (preferably with tequila).

15. I'm a pillow freak.

16. But I hate to sleep for fear of missing out on something important. During my college years I usually got by on 3-4 hours of sleep a night (if at all) and prided myself on the fact that I could think and perform clearly when needed to.

17. The longest amount of time I've ever slept was months ago, when, after not sleeping for two nights straight and getting three hours every night for four nights before that, was fourteen hours, uninterrupted.

18. I got my belly button pierced because my boyfriend thought it would be 'hot.' I've grown to love it and the stone matches my watch. I'm a girl, what do you expect: I have to accessorize.

19. When I was 11 my friend's mom pierced my ear with a needle and ice. I thought the feeling of having numb earlobes was way cooler than having my ears pierced. I allowed them to close up weeks after the piercing.

20. I have no tattoos, though I frequently write on my hands and other body parts as a way to remember things. I jokingly tell my boss that the movie Memento was loosely based on me.

21. I was sexually molested as a kid. When I tell my friends that they get weird on me, which is usually why I wait to say anything, if I say anything at all.

22. I lost my virginity shortly after my 20th birthday. It was to a man twice my age. I didn't really love him and all we had going on was the sex. It wasn't such a big deal when I broke it off less than a year later. I haven't spoken or seen him since.

23. The man wasn't a bad guy. He did do me one great big favor: He convinced me to quit my job and go to college (which I had been putting off). I owe him so much for that. I now have my AA and while I am taking some more time off from school at the moment I know for certain I will go back to get the BA and more. I'm no longer afraid and I know what to expect. In fact I'm toying with the idea of taking up an advanced photography class during the fall semester offered at the Glassell school near the MFAH downtown.

24. I've only truly loved (romantically speaking) three men in my life: my second ex, my current, and a very good friend of mine. All are still very much in my life now (with the exception of the second ex) and oddly enough all of their names begin with the letter 'J.' Even the guy I lost my virginity to had a name that began with the letter 'J.' Hmm . . .

25. Last year, about this time, my best friend told me she had 'feelings' for me. She had been avoiding me for weeks after one particular night. She had gotten into an argument with her boyfriend (now fiance) and came over my apartment to talk. We did little more than talk and play chess and poker. I didn't notice anything different about her. However after weeks of not speaking to me after that night she goes and tells me that she wanted to explore her feelings and nearly did that night. After being completely dumbfounded and not knowing what to say I cried. Probably not a normal person's first reaction, but at that moment I knew our friendship had changed forever.

26. I've never been a bride's maid/maid of honor, though I'll get my chance in August.

27. I nearly killed a deer with a noodle.

28. The youngest person in my family ever to die was my cousin Daniel (Danny Boy). He was seventeen and four months shy of his high school graduation. He was killed in a car accident two years ago. They pulled the plug the night before Valentine's Day. I was in Wyoming at the time and couldn't make the funeral. I still haven't gotten over it.

29. I am the only girl in my immediate family. I was the first one born after the parental figure had a tube pregnancy and one tube removed. The baby was five months at the time. It was a girl. After finding this information out at the age of 13 I started jokingly referring to myself as 'The Replacement.' I'm almost certain that despite the fact that my mom was a tomboy as a kid she wanted a 'girly girl.' Unfortunately she got stuck with me.

30. My father tried to convince the parental figure to have an abortion each time she got pregnant after me (twice).

31. I bite my nails. I've only had one manicure in my life and the pain was more intense than having my teeth cleaned at the dentists.

32. I have the smallest hands I know of anyone. Even the parental figure's hands are bigger than mine and she's a mere 5'2". And hers are much cooler with the wrinkles and all. So much character.

33. Did I mention I was a hand freak as well. In fact I took a photo of my (paternal) grandmother's hands lackadaisically holding a tea cup and managed to get it published in a college annual.

34. I never paint my toenails any other color than pink.

35. I grew up listening to Oldies and can belt out verses of songs from The Jackson 5, The Temptations, Otis Redding, Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, and Frankie Valli with the best of them.

36. The scariest movie I've ever seen was Stephen King's Cujo. It's the only movie that gave me nightmares and made me wet the bed. I still love dogs though.

37. I'm really bad at writing handwritten letters. Cards/postcards I can do, but letters? Fuhgetaboutit! I even sent the ex a TYPED 'Dear John.' Hell I thought I might as well say something before he does. He makes it a point to tell everyone he knows anyway.

38. He'll never learn about this site.

39. I like trains. After the first move every other house/apartment/dorm I've ever lived in had a train running near it. I dream of hopping aboard it one day and just riding it until I wind up in another part of the country.

40. I fantasize a lot, though I'm vey much grounded.

41. I had to be taught how to dream. And that didn't happen until my I reached my 20s.

42. I once saw a kid get killed. He was my friend's younger brother and riding along on a bike in our neighborhood when a car sped by hit him, throwing him and his bike a few dozen feet. The car took off. Cops were called. Life Flight came but the boy was pronounced dead at the scene. I was 10 at the time and while I have forgotten many things from my childhood the memory of his mom crying and screaming as the helicopter took her son away has managed to say etched in my mind forever.

43. I prefer sunflowers (tulips too) over roses anyday.

44. A guy wrote a poem about me entitled 'Sun Maiden.'

45. I once watched a meteor shower in late August with a guy from Louisiana. I was in Wyoming at the time and we were on the phone. He laughed at me because I couldn't get out of the house in the dark quietly.

46. A print of Van Gogh's 'Starry Night' dons my wall.

47. I'm used to getting what I want and I can usually charm my way through any situation. Don't confuse that with being 'spoiled.'

48. One of the greatest conversations I've ever had took place a few weeks when 'the ex (the 2nd one)' told me that there was a possibility a girl he had slept with had a miscarriage and it was his (she had the symptoms: pain, bleeding, etc etc). She was perhaps only a month or so along and never knew for certain if she was pregnant or not before that incident took place. She had an appointment scheduled. Unfortunately though this happened two days before she was to see her doctor. When he told me (through the IM) we talked for hours about life and death and our theories on what happens after we die. It was one of the few times we didn't get into an argument.

49. My favorite book is Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita. It had me laughing and actually rooting for the protagonist (from Humbert Humbert's point of view) despite the subject matter.

50. My parents were divorced by the time I was 8. Since then my father had been trying to get me to live with him for a short period of time off and on for years (The parental figure got custody of all five of us; not that my father would have fought for custody anyway). Finally, when I was 21 I promised him a year out of my life. I gave him five months before I moved out and into a dorm. He had divorced and married in less than three months (September - November). His third wife didn't like me so I took it as a sign and left. After that I didn't see/talk to him again until we met at the airport the day I left Wyoming. At my grandmother's urging I walked up to him, shook his hand, told him thanks and moved on to his brother, my favorite uncle, whom I had met only the previous summer. I cried hysterically on his shoulder. He was the only 'father figure' I've ever known.

51. I don't know my father's family well. I've only met his oldest brother and sister a handful of times. I've never known my grandfather (he died when I was 15) nor any of my cousins. I tell people that they're all very secretive (which they are) and that because they're Italian they lead double lives. It sounds more interesting my way.

52. Besides being part Italian I'm also Mexican & Native American (Cherokee) which derives from my mom's side and my last name means 'mountain.' Some ancestors of my father's family came from the Basque region in Spain, mountain regions.

53. When I was about 10 years old my younger brother and I were asleep on the fold out sofa after watching some Hitchcock flick on television. I remember waking up and overhearing my oldest brother telling my father that he had tried to commit suicide. To my dismay the younger brother was awake and trying to stifle his cries with his hand. I covered his ears and told him that the oldest one didn't mean what he said and was just having a bad day. Ten years later I found myself in the same position, this time the same younger one telling me he had suicidal thoughts and I was the one trying to cover my own ears.

54. The parental figure suffered from agoraphobia when she was younger. I found this out from my father when I was living with him. It now explains a lot.

55. I myself prefer to be alone, although the thought of having to be in crowds and public places doesn't paralyze me. I've always loved the city I call home because of the anonymity.

56. I got made fun of for the way I talked when I left home. And when I saw a black person for the first time in that small town (three weeks after I got there) I practically yelled and pointed, "Look, a black person." My father was mortified. But I wasn't doing it to embarrass him. It was at that point that it dawned on me that the town was predominantly white. And to be honest the 'black' person I saw was mixed (my father knew him). I was so used to growing up around so many different people of colors and beliefs that it never occurred to me that any other town would be the complete opposite.

57. I have ten yet to be lit candles in my room.

58. I'm a big fan of sandals. I have two pairs of shoes, one pair of sneakers, some clunky black boots that I wear to work and about five pair of sandals.

59. I once had to buy two pairs of shoelaces for the sneakers in less than a week because Sonny chewed the first pair after I refused to feed him at 5 a.m. and again two days later when he couldn't find his toys and I left my shoes out instead of throwing them in the closet after coming home from a jog.

60. I hate being called 'perfect.'

61. The parental figure will call me a 'bitch' once in a while. You'd have to really understand our relationship to find out why we do that and why we crack up every time.

62. I absolutely hated her when I was a kid. But then again I hated most authority figures. It wasn't until I was entering my highschool years that I let go of some of the anger I had towards her and allowed her to be my friend. It's sort of a joke that I nicknamed her 'the parental figure' because while we do live with one another we share responsibilities as far as rent, bills and groceries go. There hasn't been a time when I've had a job that I hadn't helped her out. It's just understood that one helps out around the place when they can. And as far as parenting goes . . . she's stopped being 'my mom' and became 'my friend' years ago. So when she's mad at me it hurts even worse.

63. There are times when I'll go days, sometimes weeks, only eating one type of food: crunchy peanut butter sandwiches, lime sherbet and Sprite, Orville Redenbaucher's Microwaveable Movie Theater popcorn, Jello, just to name a few.

64. After years and years of avoiding computers I've decided that there's no way around them and it'd be best to learn what I could. So after being given my very first computer four years ago I taught myself what I could. I've taken two basic computer classes in college since then and I never really learned to 'type' properly, but I can type faster than most of the friends who were taught.

65. I'm a smart ass by nature and truly believe a different set of rules applies to me. Therefore I come off as a hypocrite at times. However my audacity to break many of them have gotten me further than most my peers at work, some much older than I am. My bosses love me and see to it that they accommodate little things I ask for (days off at the last minute {such as was the Miami trip - 36 hrs notice}, certain hours, etc).

66. I've gotten respiratory bronchitis several times in the past few years (the first time being when I was 15). During spring break two years ago, I came down with it and it would take me close to thirty minutes to climb the three flights of stairs, periodically holding my jacket sleeve over my mouth and breathing deep. Because I couldn't hold much food down my diet consisted of creamy peanut butter (I much prefer extra crunchy) eaten with a spoon and Jello. When I started feeling better I ate soup. Though the first time I tried to open the can I didn't have a can opener. I was on the phone with my younger brother at the time. He asked me if I had a pair of scissors lying around. Being an art major I had two pairs, an X-acto knife, a box cutter and several blades (good thing security never knocked down my door). He told me to poke two holes through the top on opposite ends and cut across. It worked!

67. I love my brother.

68. I have plastic glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

69. My very first sexual encounter hurt like hell.

70. I'm not a big fan of religion. I find it a bit ridiculous to live my life according to some rules some old dudes wrote up several thousand years ago. Times have changed, things have progressed and people are different. I try to have good morals and be a good person, but I don't think I'm going to be condemned to hell if I were a lesbian or disobeyed the parental figure or didn't knock on God's door every Sunday.

71. Course that won't get me any brownie points either, but I sort of love the idea of coming back to earth again and living another life. In fact I'm sure I've done that many times. I don't make a lot of the same 'mistakes' so many people my age do. I'm sure I made them a long time ago and I don't think myself any better than anyone else, just that I may have an 'older soul.'

72. I've only had one song dedicated to me. UB40's 'Red Red Wine.'

73. I love taking pictures of myself.

74. I'm brutally honest to a fault. I don't even cheat on my taxes (gasp!).

75. With that said I find pot bellies sexy (kidding).

76. Joe Bowden (a former Tennessee Titan and now Dallas Cowboy) signed by birthday card a few years ago.

77. I gave myself a concussion when I was at a casino in Nevada for my 22nd birthday. I had dropped a quarter and bent down to pick it up when my father's (2nd - this is confusing I know) wife called my name. When I pulled my head back up the arm on one of the slot machines hit me from behind and I fell down again. Shortly afterwards I met my father at a blackjack table and ordered a round of margaritas. I had a few before going to bed for the night. The next morning I couldn't figure out where I was.

78. I spent my 21st birthday in a hospital. My best friend got into a car accident the night before. Three weeks later we were partying and celebrating her birthday at a strip joint.

79. I spent the 23rd birthday in a cave in San Antonio, Texas. The following day in Kemah, on a boat. My last one I spent at work.

80. I find people who accuse someone of acting 'white' or 'black' ignorant. It really amuses me when it's another black person who accuses someone of the same race as acting 'white.' Usually by this they mean 'educated.' I know this because my best friend, Andrea is black and people accuse her of this all the time. What they don't realize is that they're putting themselves down, not her, because by calling her 'white' they're making it seem like she should not be as smart or as well spoken as she is; ie: she should talk like them.

81. When it comes to racial comments it's usually other Hispanics that give me a hard time. I've gotten mean comments about how I'm supposed to be able to speak Spanish. One Thanksgiving Day at work I was given a hard time by an older, drunk man. After forcing his friend to translate I found out he was calling me an 'English speaking white bitch.'

82. Needless to say I don't get along with many older Hispanic people.

83. Nor girls my age.

84. I do however get along with women around my parents' age (40s-50s). Most are nurturing and motherly and they feed homemade food. They feel a need to watch out for me.

85. I'd much rather the company of guys my age though simply because I tend to express the same interests as many of the ones I find interesting: books, cars, life, art, and things beyond our comprehension, such as sporks.

86. One person in my entire life calls me 'Nuh (the third syllable of my name).' And she's the only person who has ever understood why I had to wrap the parental figure's Christmas gift three times this past year. Her name is Anna and she's in her late 40's. I absolutely adore her. She's also the only other person at my job who got psyched up about an art exhibit that featured some work from MoMA here in Houston. This piece was my favorite. Of course you have to view it in its vastness and research the artist's history in order to understand it. I had two very different reactions each time I saw the exhibit. My feelings for it changed after learning about the man behind the piece.

87. The last movie I saw was the Dutch original 'Spoorloos.' They showed it last night at the MFAH. I went and watched it by myself. It was awesome. I've vowed never to watch the {presumed} trashy Hollywood remake (The Vanishing).

88. My bedroom is comfortably messy and for one reason or another people compliment it.

89. I'm really anal about people staring at my ass (Ha-pun intended).

90. I don't miss being a kid. My imagination is a lot better now than it was when I was younger. I can eat without dropping food down my shirt and while I know the world isn't as innocent as I foolishly thought before, knowing this has also allowed me to forgive people and their mistakes instead of putting them on pedestals and watching them fall and burn.

91. So far I've only lied about # 73.

92. I hate taking pills. For any reason.

93. I must be one of the handful of Neanderthals that does not have a cell phone. Sheesh, even the parental figure has one and actually knows how to use it (this coming from a woman who would call me up, long distance mind you, while I was in Wyoming and ask me to tell her how to set her alarm clock)! And I prefer it that way.

94. I can't drive. I commute to work by bus, which I find romantic, in an Ernest Hemingway sort of way (though he'd probably prefer an ambulance). I was once asked if it was scary riding a bus. I told the girl, "No, the strangest thing that ever happened to me was when a guy sitting two seats behind me gave me a rose made from a napkin."

95. For some reason or other I think I've been spared many times this lifetime. If you've ever been in a car with my mom you'd understand. I'm also not very cautious and the boyfriend hates that because he worries non-stop about me. So to drive him crazy I walk in the dark, alone and think completely naive thoughts such as, Oh he's only going to work on his garden, when being approached by a man in a trenchcoat with a knife and a bag in the rain in a dark alley.

96. I've been wearing glasses since I was 8. My last optometrist told me don't bother getting contacts because they'd only worsen my eye sight.

97. It's been over a year since the last time I've been in a church (not counting the time I attended my aunt's funeral last year).

98. I actually have people on my side who would go to extreme lengths to see me happy and for some reason that never ceases to amaze me.

99. I can't sleep in complete darkness or without some kind of 'noise.' This is the reason for the four clocks in my room, none digital.

100. At least twice a week my dinner consists of Subway sandwiches.

101. I don't watch much television and I've stopped watching the news altogether.

Feel free to judge me now.