"Quit? I'm trying to start!"

I've come to a conclusion.

I'm going to take up smoking.

And before all you anti-smokers/health nuts jump on my case hear me out first. I am not doing it because of 'peer pressure' or a case of postponed teenage angst.

I'm doing it for superficial reasons.

There, I admit it. I'm vain . . . so what.

I mean, I can SO pull off that 'sexy' image:




I can just imagine myself coming out of work with my bag thrown over on one shoulder on a cold dreary day, hair up in a messy bun and I'm tired and my feet are killing me. Then I suddenly let my long hair down, shake it a bit, pull out a box of Marlboro Menthol Lights (because I'm too much of a wimp and a weenie to handle the real shit), watch my last one wiggle out the box, and light it up all the while walking to the nearest bus stop. And everyone I walk pass watches me and thinks to themselves, "Damn, that girl doesn't seem to have a care in the world.'

Course, let's admit how it would REALLY go: First off I can't walk and drink water at the same time, let alone light a cigarette! Plus I've always had problems with lighters so I'd probably end up using matches instead. And my success rate with matches isn't all that great either. I'm always burning myself. I'm liable to spend much more money on matches than on the cigs themselves!

Second, I get sick pretty badly usually twice, sometimes three times a year. I'm talking losing my voice (and forty pounds), fever, hot flashes/chills, walking pneumonia type sick. My lungs can't handle smog, much less cigarette smoke.

I think the only thing I have going for arguing my case is how 'cool' I'd look.

I've never been 'cool.'

I'm not sure what I was in highschool. I wasn't a 'geek,' per se. I mean, I was and still am pretty smart (at least I like to think so), but I never won the science fair or joined the math club or anything that would have caused me to get a 'whirly.'

I wasn't that hippie chick either, nor a feminist,jock or teacher's pet. I was well rounded I suppose. I hung out with everyone from the football players and band members to the braniacs and students who had remedial lunch.

But I wasn't 'cool.'

So now, at twenty-five years of age I have my chance.

And mind you it took a long time for me to decide on smoking as my 'thing.'

I thought about drinking, but c'mon. I drink vodka. And every once in a while a few margaritas, frozen, with salt. I don't touch beer or Jack or Jim or any of the other Walton boys. I'm a lightweight.

I also thought about drugs, but I'm terrified of needles. I used to be an amateur cutter (I never told anyone that), but that's when I was younger and my skin was 'thick' so to speak. Nowadays it embarrasses me to see a simple scratch anywhere on my body.

And I regularly give blood, but that's it. Hell, I don't even like going to the doctor in fear that he'll tell me I have something contagious and I need a shot.

Not to mention with the rising cost of everything these days, and the local crackheads wanting to take a hit of my load (did I say that right?) I can't afford to do drugs.

Not on what they pay me at my job.

Besides, I was the only girl amongst the five kids in my family. I never learned how to share.

Now I just need to figure out how to start. I mean . . . after a particularly stressful day at work I've always said something along the lines of, "God I need a cigarette," usually followed by my friends laughing, but how do I actually get myself to DO it?

It's times like this I wish one of my friends was a kleptomaniac when we were younger. And another a pyromanic. Imagine the fun. Course with my luck the former would have stolen my smokes from me after a few days and the second would have lit him on fire and then we all would have gotten throw in juvie!

Random though of the day: My boys are going to the World Series!